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Parenting

– a soulful, beautiful and lovely journey of self discovery through the kids.

   

Can you tell me who lays the foundation for the future of every nation?

Future of every nation is children.

Parents lay the foundation for future of every nation.

What is it to be like a parent : It’s one of the hardest things you can ever do but in exchange it teaches you unconditional love – Nicholas Spark

Being a Parent is entirely a new experience which helps us to grow and evolve along with our children.

Parents are the first role models for Children. The children imbibe the habits, ethics, values and literally everything from the parents and follow them. So as parents, we need to lead by example. In my life My Mom is my role model who inspired me to help others.


Once a woman got her son to Mahatma Gandhiji and asked him to advise her son to stop eating jaggery. Gandhiji asked the woman to bring her son after two weeks. After two weeks, she took her son to Gandhiji. Bapuji advised the boy  to stop eating jaggery. The mother asked Bapuji, why did you ask us to come after two weeks?  Gandhiji replied her that before advising her son, he himself had to stop eating jaggery as he was eating jaggery till before two weeks.                
                                                                          This implies the same for each one of us, as Parent. Before advising our children, we need to be a role model by following the same values in our life.

Happy Parenting Happy children

           


          For the Children to be happy, we need to take care of ourselves both physically and mentally. It’s important for us to maintain a positive frame of mind.

Positive parenting

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one – Sue Atkins

Positive parenting helps us to understand children and support them to achieve their goals and dreams.

1. Accept Children

Every child is unique and different. They have their own strengths. Observe their strengths and create opportunity to pursue their passion.

Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion who has won 28 medals in swimming had learning difficulties during his childhood and could not pursue his education. His mom observed his passion for swimming. She started focusing on training him and making him pursue his passion for swimming.

As parent, we should  look into the strengths of our children and create opportunity for them to pursue their passion.

2. Listen to children without judgement.
    

               ‘I’m here.’
               ‘I hear you.’
               ‘How can I help you?’

Let the child know that you are there, you are ready to hear and you are always there to help out.
Appreciate every small effort, the child takes towards the goals.

           

3. Positive affirmations  

      Using lot of positive affirmations helps child to face any situation confidently and efficiently.

                  I am capable.
                  I can do it.
                  I can try again.
                  It’s ok to fail.

Once my son had scored lower grades in middle school and was feeling low about it. I just looked at him and said You were the one to win so many medals in pre primary and primary. I believe in you and you can do it again. After a while, he looked at me with an understanding smile. Next exams, he scored more than 80 %. This shows the importance of positive affirmations.

4. Health

Nutritious food – Many parents have now started following the traditional food and started using millets instead of rice and Jaggery instead of white sugars. The healthy and balanced diet helps children to be healthy and fit.
   
                 

Sports- Every child needs 1 hour of physical activity. It increases oxygen supply to the brain and enhances focus and attention.

Following the advice of teachers, we enrolled my son to Tennis coaching sessions as part of Outdoor games. It had a huge impact on his physical fitness and  wellness. It helped him to be energetic , focussed and attentive.

5. Moral Values

Charity begins at home.

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;
When health is lost, something is lost;
When character is lost, all is lost.
                        – Billy Graham

As parents,we have greater responsibility to raise our children with moral values of respecting elders, helping others and being humble.

          
              

‘As you sow, so you shall reap

Parents sow the seeds in their children.
Fruits of seeds sown will benefit children and society in the future.

Let us sow the seeds of love, kindness, generosity, compassion and empathy to build a world of love and peace.




Note : Images were taken from Google Images.

#Life Lessons# – Power of Self Love & Blessings

Interesting Wall hanging….
Faces Reflection…..

People come in our life for a reason. Some are happy Some are painful. All are just experiences to help you gain wisdom of *who you are*.

A tough phase of learning to be forgiveness, unconditional love, acceptance and patience. Moment of realisation of importance of self love.

Being compassionate towards our ownself and others helps us to move forward without blaming us or people nor situation.

Power of Blessing all gives us peace and builds strength within us.

# Life lessons#

Dear Son

Recent conversation I had with you made me ponder into question – What’s my life all about ?

I still remember the days before my delivery. Everyone was teasing me It’s a girl and I confidently said It’s gonna be a boy.

Time arrived you were born. Before I could receive you in my hands, I was shifted to ICU.

The whole night I screamed out of pain that I want to see you and nurse was least bothered about my cry. I was just one more patient to be taken care.

Next day morning, finally they gave you in my hands. I cuddled you and kissed you on your rosy cheeks. Nurses made fun of me that Chachi is so happy. Being a Mother was a great feeling which I couldn’t express to anyone.

Days passed by, you filled my life with happiness and joy. You were Mama’s boy. I used to put you on my lap and sing songs for you. You used to have lot of fun with Mama.

As you were growing up, we noticed few changes in development. We had a lot of queries to doctors : Why my son never cries for hunger? Why there was no communication for his needs?.

Paediatricians asked us to wait as you were able to identify me among a group of people. At the age of 2 you surprised us by typing alphabets A to Z in computer.

You never expressed your needs both verbally and non verbally  nor responded to name call. But at the same time, you would run from other room to listen your favourite ads, songs.

It confused us a lot. The ultimate was when you were not able to express the pain of hurt in your leg due to bike silencer. This shook us completely. Doctors termed it as mild Autism. My whole world shattered. I googled dictionary to understand Autism. It was written mental illness. I hugged you and cried a lot. Mind was restless with so many questions. There was a battle within me to accept that word Autism. People were busy justifying, commenting, advising us based on their experiences.

I was clear that Bangalore is the hub for therapies and you will get best support here. I said to myself I will bring my son out of Autism spectrum. I made a choice of not going for work and being with you and working with you to make you an independent human being contributing to society.

Everyday was new for us. Except you and me noone was there in that world. We were creating new games, trying to connect with each other, singing, dancing and playing like best pals.

Sounds became words, words became phrases. I was so happy till one day you stopped talking phrases. Again my world got shattered, as I was three months pregnant.I went into depression. Overcoming it, I worked very creatively with you to tap those phrases again.

My challenges became increasingly more than I expected. We were in deep financial crisis. I told myself : “Whatever happens I will never show it to my son” and keep working with him. Trust me my son, it was not easy. I worked a lot upon myself : diverted myself by learning maths, teaching maths to neighbour’s children and making handmade materials for you. Every time I sat with you for your session I was happy creative and innovative Mom, keeping all my pain away.

We had to leave Bangalore as my delivery date was nearing. I remember making whole schedule of train travel and the schedule at Madurai a month before. Every day it became suprabhatham for you to listen my social story made by me. I  was so happy that story did pay off and you enjoyed the train travel.

Little sister was born and you were happily enjoying your days with your cousin.This was your best part in your life my son.You got people who showered love on you and supported you a lot .

One day we suddenly realised your absence. I couldn’t move much due to c section done. All of us were searching you and found you near the shop. We tried finding reason but you wouldn’t give any.Then onwards we were careful about your safety concern.

Your first schooling was at Madurai. A small preschool with open mind. You would go there, sit next to teacher, wait for break time and help children play in slide. You were a big brother to all children there. You surprised us by reciting Tamil rhymes, Tamil months of year and many more.

Time passed by we had to come to Bangalore. Therapies started again. You shared your first long sentence ” I don’t want to go to Madurai, I want to stay with my Daddy”. I just hugged you and kissed you and had happy tears in eyes.

Next happy moment, was when you got admission in one of the school after the long search.

In one of therapy sessions you posed a question to the therapist asking “why the chairs are lying upstairs ?” and you were more interested in being with children rather than therapy. Your therapy sessions concluded and you moved out of Autism spectrum at age of 5 1/2 yrs.

During the journey you overcome lot of difficulties which was not easy for any child.

My son 16 yrs passed by and during recent conversation when you asked “Mama Why you didn’t go to work? ” I could only give a smile back to you hiding all the pain I had gone through and going through even now.

My son, Life was not bed of roses for Mama nor it  was the life I dreamt about. I believe that “There is always an opportunity to move forward in our life even though it’s not the life we chose”. I took my life challenges as an opportunity to learn and move forward with confidence and hope. I know there are days I go down a lot emotionally but my son : “I never give up”.  Maybe I don’t have riches my son but I have a great asset with me, that’s You and your sister my dear son.

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Journey Of Autism in our life

Do you remember the story of the elephant and the blind men?

Like the blind men’s experience with the elephant, everybody has a different experience with Autism.

Ours is a happy family; we are blessed with two children: a son and a daughter.

Autism is a disorder which affects the communication and social skills of children. We always had a question to ourselves whether our son’s development was normal, as there was no indication of expressing hunger and no meaningful words even at the age of 2.

Later, we knew that he was in the spectrum. We started to therapy as soon as he was diagnosed. With the help of professionals and early intervention, he moved out of spectrum when he was 5 1/2 years. He is now studying his 10th grade, speaks three languages, and is coping well in all areas.

Over the period of those initial stages of diagnosis we had faced many problems:

– When he was two years old, he had gotten burned on his left leg on the silencer of a bike, but didn’t tell us; we found out while bathing him. Later, we came to know that these children are pain insensitive. He was highly obsessed with cars. He used to keep it near him always even while sleeping. Later we came know it had been a pattern and we had to break. Now his passion is to draw different vehicles with minute details.

– He is also sensitive to loud noises. He couldn’t bear sounds like cooker whistles, toilet flushes or bursting of crackers, even screaming. Now he has found a way to divert himself, but still says that those particular sounds are very sharp for his ears.

– When he was 4 years old, he went out of the house to a shop nearby. We were searching for him everywhere, and when we finally found him he was standing all alone near the shop. He couldn’t even tell us why he went outside the house.

– Once, when he was playing outside neighbours dog bit him. We gave him the vaccination and did behaviour modification of locking him inside the house. He used to get very angry at us, but 4 years later he told us that he “did not know that the dog will actually bite even if I look at it”.

When we started to search integrated schools, one particular school confirmed admission. but later said they were not trained to handle these children. The worst thing was, they did not even ask us to sit.

Our struggle to find a school continued. Finally, we found a school which actually saw his strengths rather than his weakness.

Years later he has been successfully integrated in school. One of the mothers of my son’s classmate remarked that children in the spectrum must be included, as others learn a lot from them. I was really taken aback, and had tears rolling down as it was the same mother who fought with management to remove my son from school. But the management stood for both our children.

Right now his interests are gadgets, making his own science kits, drawing vehicles and reading books.Physics is his favorite subject.He loves multiplayer online games and passionate of becoming game developer.

***

Our daughter seemed fine until we found a regression when she turned one year. She only responded to the sound which was lesser than a 10 foot distance away, and my voice.

At 14 months, she was not even responding to the sound of a big drum. She used to collect different coloured objects in a bowl and spill it down, and repeat the task for hours. Her self-help skills were good.

It was hard to accept that she was in the spectrum. The day my son weaned off therapy, my daughter was enrolled into it. That was a big blow for us. Here, we would like to thank all professionals who stood by us and supported us to overcome the phase. We started off early intervention for our daughter.

When my son was diagnosed, I was a clean slate. I came from nothing and was able to work with him effectively. But when my daughter was diagnosed I was working in the same way as I worked with my son, without understanding that each child is unique and different. Later, I did realise my own mistake and started working from the context that my daughter is unique and that I needed to work differently. Only then did the targets of the program start moving faster.

The most difficult challenge we faced with her was her compliance to learn new concepts. We now know how to teach new concepts without anxiety. Sometimes I have seen the results are achieved faster when I don’t expect the result and work. A tip for parents is being creative with zero expectations, and work with less anxiety to achieve more results with children.

As far as the awareness among close relatives were concerned, they were more open to taking care of my daughter as she was and support her, than when it was for my son.

Once we had taken her to shopping. It was a long day and she couldn’t convey her wish to go back home. She tried crying and being cranky. At that moment, when she saw a boy she just pushed him. We ran and lifted both of them but the parents asked, “Is shopping necessary for you people when your kid is in this state?” It was very hard to take it then and we didn’t know how to react. But what we got out of that incident was that she needed to work on her communication skills and patience, and we had to organise the shopping around it.

She has excellent pretend play skills. She creates a scene with the dolls and can engage herself in the play. She has excellent observational skills and learns a lot from the environment around her. She even tries to imitate that incident which reinforces her. She has excellent auditory memory; she learns faster at school when teachers teach the students orally, and also has a photographic memory. She can tell the day of any particular date of any year. At school, the teachers were searching the calendar to find out the date of the day they were supposed to visit a biscuit factory. Immediately, she said, “July 13 Friday”, which gained her quite a lot of popularity in school. She also has a knack of remembering people’s birthdays, which she does by looking at her peers’ ID card. In the start of that particular month, she would never forget to remind me to get gifts for them.

Recently, when we had gone for a visit to Hampi, she had a transition problem from Bangalore to Hampi. We had to break the patterns she was following for the first day and to our surprise she was happy throughout the rest of the tour.

She is interested in singing and dancing and loves performing on stage, although she has been rejected for being hyper during the rehearsal. People think she might not be able to control her energy in the final show also. But as far as we have seen, if we give her more training individually, she can perform well along with the group .At present she has done many stage performances and confident of dancing on stage.

With autism being part of our lives, we have missed a lot of social events as we couldn’t leave our daughter to anybody else for a long time. Whenever there is a behavioural spike, only we know how to handle it . The other issue is that of regression – whenever that happens, we need to redo the program which she has already finished. This really adds to our stress levels, which obviously takes a toll on our health.

As a father, my husband has to run around earning money, and as a mother, I need to run behind my children, so we definitely miss being a regular family. The therapy costs have prevented us from being able to afford a house.

What actually drives us everyday? It is the improvement in children that they show us day by day. We’d like to share that acceptance and unconditional love does work for children to improve. Stand by them, and it makes a difference in their lives.